Archive - August 2006
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Is oral sex supposed to end in crying?
Truth Spitter Bowling Green, KY
Laura: Only if it commences in biting.
Jamie: I told you to stay away
from the underage boys. Freak.
Bryan:
In prison we weren’t
allowed to cry, it was a sign of weakness.
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It has recently become an ongoing debate between myself and a few sick fucks I know as to whether or not clowns paint their dicks too.....any chance you could shed some light on the subject?
Curious Norfolk, VA
Laura: Mom, is that you again?
Jamie:
No, but they will try to
pass a rubber chicken off as their piece if you don’t pay close enough
attention. No matter how many times they try it, it still isn’t funny.
Bryan: I was a clown once, I didn’t have to paint my dick I just asked your mom keep changing her lipstick color.
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If you fart in a crowded elevator, but have headphones on and don’t hear it, do you have to say “Excuse me”?
pardon_moi Great Neck, NY
Laura: No. I always defer to the classic reaction, “Who’s the
sick fuck who farted in a crowded elevator?”
Jamie: Not if you point your fingers
like you’re firing a gun.
Bryan:
I usually burp as a cover
for my farts.
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Is it true that dogs can’t sweat?
FIDO Encino, CA
Laura: If reaching over to lick your man-dog parts seven times a
day doesn’t break a sweat then nothing will. I guess that doesn’t really
answer your question but I’m just happy I got to use man-dog part in a
sentence.
Jamie: Not sure. I put one in the oven
to see what would happen but it just burst into flames. It may have sweat
before then, but who knows. I can, however, vouch for the fact that they do
taste like chicken.
Bryan: you, Fido, are correct. Dogs can’t sweat.. why do you think the saying is sweating like a pig, not sweating like a dog?
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Why do we cry?
Winston Paradise, PA
Laura: I cry when I laugh. Ask Bryan. OK well you can’t really
ask him since you don’t know him but take his word for it. And mine. Every
time someone (or me) says something really funny, I start crying. So for me,
people cry because things are funny. I also cry when I see cute cartoon
characters crying because everybody knows when something sad happens to a
cute, cuddly CGI-generated fabrication, it’s that much sadder. Like when
Nemo’s mother died.
Jamie:
I cry when they’re
out of shrimp at the all-you-can-eat buffet.
Bryan:
We cry after oral sex. See the first question :)
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My cat keeps peeing in my shoes. How do I get him to stop?
Cat_lady04 West Yorkshire, Great Britain
Laura: Stop getting drunk and leaving
your shoes in the litter box. It’s not the poor kitty’s fault.
Jamie: They say when a cat does
something you don’t want it to you’re supposed to spray it with a water gun.
You should do that, but instead of water use your own urine. At’ll teach
that f’n cat.
Bryan:
Cats do that
to mark their territory. The trick is to pee in your shoes before they do.
Then they’ll go find another place to pee, but it won’t be your shoes..
that’s for sure!
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